Devotion (Indecision Duet Book 2) Read online

  BRITTANY FULLER

  Devotion

  Copyright © 2019 Brittany Fuller

  Copy and line editing by Revise & Reprise

  Cover Design/Interior Design & Formatting by Tugboat Design

  All rights reserved. No part of this book can be reproduced, scanned or distributed in any printed or electronic form without permission of the author. The author asks the readers do not engage in piracy of copyright in violation of the authors rights and materials.

  This book is a work of fiction, whereas names, places, characters and incidents are the product of the author's imagination. Any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, or events is solely coincidental.

  To my own little “Anna May”

  My daughter Ava Rose

  Happy 14th Birthday!

  Chapter 1

  Chapter 2

  Chapter 3

  Chapter 4

  Chapter 5

  Chapter 6

  Chapter 7

  Chapter 8

  Chapter 9

  Chapter 10

  Chapter 11

  Chapter 12

  Chapter 13

  Chapter 14

  Chapter 15

  Chapter 16

  Chapter 17

  Chapter 18

  Chapter 19

  Chapter 20

  Chapter 21

  Chapter 22

  Chapter 23

  Chapter 24

  Chapter 25

  Chapter 26

  Chapter 27

  Sneak Peek at Reckless

  Acknowledgments

  About the Author

  Evelyn

  The smell of gardenias fill the room as the Santa Ana winds pick up and blow through the open window above the sink in the kitchen. Calming me for a brief second, the smell is followed by the sound of wind chimes beautifully making a musical song only they know and can carry on the large breeze blowing through Huntington Beach today.

  When the sounds and the smells mix together I can almost let go, almost forget everything that has happened in the last few days and finally find a sense of stability that has seemed lost for so long.

  The Santa Ana winds are blowing in full force, and with them, the smell of the ocean can slightly be made out as the warm and dry gusts blow around outside drifting in through the open window above the kitchen sink. The smell of sand and salty beach just a few short miles away helps me grab ahold of my life’s anchor, and makes me feel rooted. Maybe now I can finally figure out what I want in life. What I need, because Lord knows I’ve made a royal mess of things.

  Coffee finishes brewing in the pot under the window sill, and when all three smells collide - the coffee, gardenias and the ocean mixing with the beautiful melody of the wind chimes - there is only one place I can be. The only place that has ever felt like home and made me feel whole.

  But now, a piece is missing.

  My grandmother comes into the kitchen through the sliding door which leads to the backyard. Shooing one of her cats inside, she proceeds to fill its dish nearby from the pantry. Her short hair is windblown from the gusts of wind and she slowly kneels low to fill the dish for the furry friend which is more like family. She doesn’t say a word, but stands up tall and then proceeds to take two coffee cups from a close cabinet filling them to their brim.

  Walking over to me, she sits my cup down on the small kitchenette table and tugs on a few strands of my hair a couple times. A habit she has whenever I am sulking and quiet too long, and a trait I have missed since she has been gone.

  My grandmother sits across the table from me and doesn’t speak at first. She looks at me, reading me. Examining me. Knowing everything that needs to be said and just the way it needs to be spoken. Shaking her head a few times, she looks away out across the backyard at the winds blowing the trees furiously and takes a sip of her coffee.

  “You don’t look too happy for someone who just landed themselves a job at the L.A. Times, Evelyn.” She says to me, obviously annoyed at my silence.

  My grandmother’s perfectly manicured nails begin to rapidly tap against her cup. I always loved her nails. They were the perfect shade of coral with a gold palm tree exquisitely displayed on her ring finger’s nail bed. Something I have always tried to emulate since her passing, but I am never able to find that perfect gold palm tree, no matter how hard I try. Still silent, I look out across the kitchen and through the window into the yard. Fighting the urge to cry, I fight with finding a way to put into words exactly what I am feeling. Why after being handed everything I ever wanted, it still isn’t enough.

  “I’m happy.” I finally manage. “Honestly I am.”

  My grandmother turns and glares at me. Looking deep inside me, it’s obvious she knows me better than I could ever know myself. I have missed her so much in the last few years since she was no longer with us. I often find I struggle to try and understand myself as well as she obviously knew me.

  “I swear, this was my dream.” I start out saying, as I search my grandmother's eyes for a truth so evident that I still can not grasp it. “I worked hard for this. I finally landed myself a great position. I will be making enough money to afford to move back home, live here and be able to be around family. You know how bad I’ve always wanted to be back here with everyone. These are my roots. This is my family.”

  I’m searching, I know it. The look in her eyes tells me to dig deeper. But I can’t seem to make sense of all the emotions piling on top of each other inside. I find myself searching for an answer that had felt secure my whole life, and now only feels like a stranger. But my grandmother isn’t buying it. The winds pick up again and knock over something in the backyard. Slamming against each other, the wind chimes make more of a crashing sound than the beautiful melody heard just a few minutes earlier. The cat jumps at her dish as the gate nearby beats against its locks and then runs and hides in another room.

  And then, it is peaceful. Clear. Calm and absolutely obvious.

  “Evelyn,” my grandmother sternly says. I glance up to meet her eyes. Stability, strength and years of lessons hang in them as I sit ready to hear the advice she is about to give. Connecting my thoughts with the truth, as heart-wrenching as it might be, is what I know I need to move forward.

  “Dreams change,” she says. “People change, and there is nothing wrong with that. Life is full of ups and downs. Lessons and victories both big and small. We can’t always predict what is going to happen to us, and that is ok.”

  A small tear rolls down my face as I come to terms with the fact that I could never have prepared for this. For him. For us.

  A curveball of massive proportions that forever changed my world. Although I know in my heart everything that has changed is for the better, letting go is always the scariest part. Especially when you have always believed your happiness could only come from one dream. One hope that you hold every other dream’s credibility up against.

  “Life is a road,” she continues. “And sometimes it changes directions. Life can often hand you detours, and sometimes the road less traveled is full of greater stops along the way and breathtaking scenery you would never be able to see otherwise. Do you get what I am trying to say?”

  I nod. My head hangs low as tears began to fall out of my eyes and splash against the top of the kitchen table. With every tear that falls, I feel myself silently starting to let go. I know I have to and even though the choice comes instinctively, even though a weight begins to lift - it still hurts inside.

  “Life is a road to be filled with laughter and happiness.” My grandmother says softly. “A road to be shared and enjoyed to the fullest, no matter what you have to give up along the way. A road never to be travele
d alone, and never to be taken for granted. The ones you love may not always be there, and you have to take your chances.”

  My eyes shoot up. His words, I will take my chances rings through my brain. As I grasp to get back to that moment, to that time - I hear it.

  Beep. Beep. Beep.

  I can’t shake it, and as I try to understand what it is, I feel this moment begin to slip away. My grandmother slowly seems more distant. Faded, and not entirely clear. An understanding look graces her face, and then it’s back.

  Beep. Beep. Beep.

  “Honey,” she whispers gently with a smile. “Your road doesn’t lead here anymore.”

  Realization hits as the final thread of a dream I forever had drifts away. I grab out to try and grasp her hand. To try and hold onto this moment, and the truth she just gave me.

  Beep. Beep. Beep.

  She smiles slowly as she begins to disappear. I don’t want her to go. I need her. Need her strength. Although, I somehow know the weight that has suddenly started to lift off my heart is enough. She gave me what I need to find new strength, and I will always remember her words and finally be able to accept my road which is forever changed.

  The smell of gardenias, coffee and ocean fade. In its place, sterile, cold and unfamiliar fill my senses.

  Beep. Beep. Beep.

  There is that noise again. The sound of machines and hushed tones of people talking fill my ears. Heavy. My eyes are so heavy.

  Beep. Beep. Beep.

  “I think she’s coming around now.” I hear a man say. It’s a voice I don’t recognize as I try and will my eyes to open.

  Who? Who is coming around? My body stiff and motionless feels heavier than I have ever felt before. Pain. Excruciating pain fills my body as my brain struggles to understand what has happened and what the man is talking about. My eyes slowly start to open as a bright light fills my vision only making me close them quickly once again.

  Pain. So much pain.

  My right side stings with a fire I have never felt before. My mouth is dry, and the ringing in my ears fills my head worse than any migraine I knew was humanly possible. As I struggle to try and make sense of it all, flashes come back to me. I close my eyes tighter as memories flood my senses.

  Beep. Beep. Beep.

  “David!” I hear my mother’s trembling voice. “David! Hurry, come quick! She’s opening her eyes. Evelyn. Evelyn, darling, please wake up. Honey, open your eyes for me.”

  Why are my parent’s here? I try to rotate to the side and stop immediately as a stabbing feeling fills my body. I can’t scream. I can’t make a noise. My breathing, which always seemed effortless, is now slow and agonizing as I struggle to fill my lungs with air.

  “Slowly now.” Commands the man’s voice at my side once again. “Take it slow, Ms. Monroe.”

  I open my eyes slightly and look at him. In his white coat, he stands at my right holding a clipboard as he examines the length of my entire body before going back to writing on his pad of paper. Slightly glancing to the left, I notice my mother sitting at my side as she grabs my hand and squeezes lightly. My father looms over her, a look of concern filling his eyes that I have never seen before.

  “You gave us quite a scare.” The man at my right says. I watch as my mother's eyes fill with tears. My father puts his hand on her shoulder for comfort as she tries to keep strong. I turn back to look at the man I don’t know next to me. Finally meeting my eyes he smiles. Reaching up he checks the bag attached to the IV I only then notice is strung to my right hand.

  “I will give you three a moment while I go order you some more fluids,” he says. “It could’ve been way worse young lady. You must have a major guardian angel up above looking out for you.”

  I close my eyes as my grandmother’s words fill my head. Your road doesn’t lead here anymore. I feel a lonely tear roll down my cheek before I hear the man speak again.

  “I will just be a minute,” he says. “You’re one lucky girl, Evelyn. Do me a favor and slow down and enjoy the ride next time, ok? There are only a few things in life worth risking it all for.”

  Noah

  “Dr. Hackworth, you’re needed in surgery.”

  The sounds and smells of the hospital leave me numb and in disbelief. How did we get here? How did this happen? I wish like hell I could rewind time and go back to where we were, where everything was clear. Back before all this mess and the hell that I am now living in.

  “It didn’t look good. I tell you that young girl is lucky to be alive.” I hear a male nurse discuss his latest case to his colleague as they pass by. I look up slightly as they walk down the hallway to my left before hanging my head low again and resting my elbows on my knees.

  “What if I can’t promise you forever.”

  My stomach revolts. My breathing quickens, and then slows so still I question if I am having a heart attack. Taking a few deep breaths, my head feels dizzy as I try and calm the nerves now taking over and making my right knee bounce up and down.

  Still no word! What can be taking so long?

  I look up and see Gwen huddled in a far corner with Rex. And although it seems odd watching the two of them actually getting along and seeing Rex console her, it doesn’t take long before my head is filled with memories and words both spoken and regrettably never said.

  “I love you, and if loving you is wrong, I will take my chances.”

  Damn it! I jump to my feet and start pacing the hallway with such haste it causes strangers to look my way. Catching the eye of Gwen and Rex, I notice as Micheal walks down the hallway towards us all scrubbing a hand down his face in worry.

  “Still no word?” I hear Rex call out as Micheal walks past. His eyes are trained on mine with an intensity I haven’t seen since that night on the patio a few months back. Stopping right in front of me, I take a few steps back as I wait for him to speak.

  “You better pray to whoever it is you pray to that she is ok,” he snaps before walking off. Where he is going I don’t know, but I see him almost kick the doors to the waiting room open as he stalks off outside screaming random obscenities in the air.

  Letting out a deep breath, I walk up to the nurse's station. It has been almost two hours. Evelyn’s parents showed up and were immediately rushed back into the E.R. while the rest of us gathered and were forced to remain in agony in the small waiting room for any sort of news.

  “Excuse me, Miss,” I say loudly. The brown haired nurse is deep in a giggling conversation with her colleague and looks up annoyed. I’ve obviously interrupted them and she isn’t happy, but if you ask me this girl should be doing her damn job instead of gossiping with her coworker.

  “I’m sorry, I hate to… It’s just, is there any word yet on Evelyn Monroe? I mean it has been almost two hours and most of us out here don’t even know if she is…” My voice trails off as tears sting the back of my throat. I look down at the counter before glancing back up to meet the two ladies eyes. “We would just appreciate any news if you have it?”

  My plea for help is met with a roll of the eyes that reminds me of the girl somewhere in this God forsaken hospital that just may or may not be fighting for her life after the argument we got in earlier today.

  “I told you, sir,” she starts to respond flippantly. “The doctor will be out with any news once there is some. Nothing has changed hospital policy in the last few minutes since the last time you asked.”

  I smile sarcastically at them and angrily push off the counter walking to the right towards Rex and Gwen. Pacing back and forth in front of the two of them, I glance up to see Rex pull Gwen in close for a hug and whisper something in her ear - and although I know grief always brings out a different side in people, it is still strange to see the two of them so close.

  “I don’t want to keep you from anything, I don’t want to make you regret anything in life.”

  Her words ring out in my head and I can’t shake them. Regret. Mistakes. Forever. Evelyn’s words flash in my brain and I find myself instin
ctively pulling my fist up and making it collide with a nearby wall. The punch and pain don’t hurt nearly as bad as the regret weighing down my heart- and as everyone turns to look at me, I catch the eye of Gwen still standing next to Rex.

  “What did you do, Noah?” Gwen asks in an angry tone. “What did you say to her?” Rex grabs a hold of her shoulders slightly as she makes her way towards me. I glance behind Gwen to hear him quietly shushing her in her ear.

  “Did you do this?” Gwen begins to cry. Her voice now escalating higher. “What the fuck did you say to her?”

  I flinch and avert my eyes to the floor as tears begin to well inside them. I swallow over a lump in my throat as my mouth goes dry and I have no words, nothing to say to Evelyn’s best friend right in front of me demanding answers that I can’t give. I did this. I pushed her away. I’m the reason we are standing in this waiting room right now wondering if Evelyn is alive or dead.

  Gwen’s shrill yell is worse than I have ever heard before as she takes a few steps towards me and yells, “I’ve already lost one sister you bastard! I can’t lose her!”

  My eyes shoot up as my defenses kick in. “You can’t lose her?” I begin to yell back. “Do you think I did this on purpose? Do you think I would ever wish that the woman I love more than anything would be laying somewhere in this hospital in God only knows what condition? I love her Gwen. Damn it I love her more than I could ever even love myself! I’d trade places with her in an instant if I knew I could!”

  Rex steps in between the two of us and pulls Gwen into his arms. Running his fingers through her hair, she sobs uncontrollably into his chest. Looking up at me, Rex gives me an understanding look laced with an acknowledgment between the two of us not to push it right now. I start to walk away when I hear Gwen whisper into his chest. “I tried to warn Evelyn about you. I tried to make her listen.”

  I stop dead in my tracks and turn to face Gwen, still sobbing and soaking Rex’s shirt. He catches my eye and gives me an inquisitive look which tells me he is just as surprised to hear this confession as I am. Just as I am about to speak, the big doors leading back into the E.R. open and two doctors come walking out deep in conversation. They stop briefly to discuss something before walking further into the waiting room.